sit with me
tired of being overlooked
Maybe the reason nobody truly listens to a word I say is only a sheer reflection of how I trust myself. But at this point, it’s NOT the mere idea that I don’t believe in myself anymore, the limiting thoughts of created delusions stopping many beliefs of my own power. I never co-exist with anything, it’s always an internal battle of the ego, which loves to get in the way… I always say to myself, “It’s just an excuse.” An excuse with an underlying ego is to omit my soul’s peace.
To say every word and regret it right after, subconsciously scared to speak my voice. However, my feelings aren’t just a mellow sadness of pure despair, it’s the intense anger I hold inside daily. Anger like I’ve been wronged my entire life. Maybe it was the brutal upbringing of all family members or is it the fact that my mom, was the only support I had in my accomplishments, goals, and mistakes? Or was I the only support through her fragmented journey? The lonely path of us two, with horrific criticism and no belief in both sides of the family. This is probably the past life karma we’re supposed to endure for the time being.
It’s until we finally realize the true lessons, to change what’s been broken and beaten for so long.
if only…
Moments where wishful thinking becomes delusional scenarios of the fairytale play of life, constantly creating stories of a journey so-called “supposed” to live. I’ve created connections that are followed by delusional disappointments. How can I be disappointed, they were never real. All created in your head. Was it just practice for a “possible” real-life scenario. Or is it the mask I decided not to show people because of my innermost criticism from the very start? See I start to wonder where can this all end. Where is the part where I stop sitting in my room, having a one-on-one conversation about absolutely nothing?
Don’t get me wrong, I love being my own therapist and best friend. But I start to wake from the harsh reality of “if I have all this knowledge retained in my body, then what’s the point of keeping it all in, should this be cultivated and shared with others? I know why I’m here. To shift people's perspective into a larger scale of curiosity and art. To change the way people see reality and how to become aware of oneself. Become life-changing, helping beings find their purpose. I always find a way to give myself answers and be my own mentor.
Ultimately, I choose to trust my thoughts, the only ones which lay in my mind.
